Seven Reasons Why Guys Like Porn

Seven Reasons Why Guys Like Porn

Why are guys drawn to pornography? Experience tells us it isn’t merely because guys like looking at naked women. For many guys the draw to pornography can become almost
compulsive.
Here is the beginning of a testimony from a man brave enough to share his story:
I was around the age of 10 when I discovered something the others hadn’t. It was something that finally gave me the attention I had been craving, the affection I’d felt I was missing, and it provided me a feeling of adequacy I yearned for. Pornography.
Initially, I found it almost melodramatic. While I had heard about it, I’d never seen any before. As I think back on it I can remember exactly where I found it, exactly how it was folded, and sadly enough, I can remember the picture on the front in enough detail it makes my heart ache. It’s the damage of images that cannot be unseen. This small experience was the first step in aligning myself with a lifestyle that would hijack huge chunks of my life for the next 20-plus years.
Internally, I was hooked. The attention I craved came from the women staring back at me from those pages. No girl I knew in real life would look at me like that. So comforting and so accepting. They didn’t judge me; they loved me for who I was. This was my special world and I had decided for me that I was going to do all I could to keep it a secret from everyone.
As my time with pornography continued into my middle-teen years I began to progress with a collection of more magazines, and further to videos if given that chance. Pornography had become a constant vehicle in my life. With the discovery of masturbation, pornography merely became a means to an end. With the onset and proliferation of computers and the Internet, I never stood a chance resisting it and the instances of looking at and using pornography increased exponentially. My compulsion for pornography opened the door (acting as a catalyst) for easy justification for anything and everything.
Does this sound familiar? The details are different for each guy, but across the spectrum many guys report the same power pornography once had or continues to have over them.

Proverbs 7

Pro 7:1   ¶   My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.

Pro 7:2       Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

Pro 7:3       Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.

Pro 7:4       Say unto wisdom, Thou [art] my sister; and call understanding [thy] kinswoman:

Pro 7:5       That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger [which] flattereth with her words.

Pro 7:6   ¶   For at the window of my house I looked through my casement,

Pro 7:7       And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,

Pro 7:8       Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house,

Pro 7:9       In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:

Pro 7:10       And, behold, there met him a woman [with] the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.

Pro 7:11       (She [is] loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:

Pro 7:12       Now [is she] without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

Pro 7:13       So she caught him, and kissed him, [and] with an impudent face said unto him,

Pro 7:14       [I have] peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.

Pro 7:15       Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.

Pro 7:16       I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved [works], with fine linen of Egypt.

Pro 7:17       I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.

Pro 7:18       Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.

Pro 7:19       For the goodman [is] not at home, he is gone a long journey:

Pro 7:20       He hath taken a bag of money with him, [and] will come home at the day appointed.

Pro 7:21       With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.

Pro 7:22       He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;

Pro 7:23       Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it [is] for his life.

Pro 7:24   ¶   Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.

Pro 7:25       Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.

Pro 7:26       For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong [men] have been slain by her.

Pro 7:27       Her house [is] the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.

The View from Solomon’s Window
The story is a fairly simple one to follow. Solomon is looking
out his window, looking down on the streets of Jerusalem,
and he sees a featherbrained young kid walking down the street at night. He comes across a seductive woman who entices him to come home with her. Adultery ensues.
This text reveals to the reader the crafty ploys of this seductive
woman. Solomon is giving his reader both a literal
and metaphorical birds-eye-view of the situation. It’s like watching the suspense movie where you, the viewer, know who the bad guy is, you know where he’s hiding,
you know what’s up his sleeve, but the unsuspecting victim
does not know. If the characters on-screen only knew
what you knew, they wouldn’t fall into the deadly trap.
That’s the view Solomon is giving us. He wants his readers
to first see this temptation through the safety of his window
so that when they find themselves on the same street
on a dark night they aren’t falling into the same traps.
This sexual encounter is no accident. Solomon says of
this woman that she is “wily of heart.” The Hebrew expression
literally means “guarded,” which means she has
secret strategies that she holds close to her; she has a
plan, a scheme. She has planned this encounter.
This story—and the lures the woman uses to get the man
in bed with her—offer some startling parallels with modern
pornography.
Lure #1: Physical Lust
The first lure, physical lust, is the most directly observable
temptation. Verse 10 states that she is “dressed as a prostitute.”
This woman is dressed to kill. She is seductive.
This is the most obvious, in-your-face reason why men are
drawn to pornography. They like to look at naked women,
plain and simple.
Men have a sex drive. When a man is attuned to a woman’s
form, when he sees a sensual image, or when he fantasizes,
this triggers a reflexive release of testosterone in
his body and his brain begins to cultivate a desire for sex.
Remember: this sex drive is created by God. When you
read the creation account in the book of Genesis, what is
the apex of the physical creation? After creating the moon
and stars, plants and animals, and the garden of paradise,
the climax of the physical universe is the woman.
God forms Eve and brings her to Adam, and as they stand
naked before each other, he erupts with a poem packed
with anticipation and excitement: “This at last is bone of
my bone and flesh of my flesh.” It is then God calls his
creation not just good but very good.
But when sin entered the picture it changed the way we
relate to the created world. Paul comments in Romans
1 that as we look at the visible
created world our minds
should perceive the invisible
God. We should notice His
eternal power and divine nature,
and then as we perceive
Him we should be moved to
honor and worship Him as the
immortal God. But instead,
Paul says, we are always exchanging
“the glory of the immortal God for images resembling
mortal man and birds and animals and creeping
things” (Romans 1:23). This is idolatry.
Notice what Paul says here is our chief problem: it’s a worship
disorder. Our hearts should be captured with the glory
of the immortal God, but instead we become fixated on
images of created things. Among all the created things the
image of a woman’s body often ranks at #1 for men. Man’s
natural draw to a woman’s beauty becomes twisted, and
we make images of women our god—the things that truly
captivate us and capture our imaginations.
This is what pornography does. Pornographers are basically
modern day idol-makers, only their material is not
wood or stone, but pixels on a monitor. Their chisels are
camera angles, lighting, makeup, and clever photo and
video editing. And just like Israel before us, we take these
idols into our hearts (Ezekiel 14:3).
Lure #2: Passive Pleasure
She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold
face she says to him… (Prov. 7:13).
This is the woman’s very first move. No words: just an
in-your-face sensual embrace, telling him everything he
wants to hear with her body language and her gaze.
What message is she sending this man? She is easy, vulnerable,
and eager. He can have her with no commitment
or work on his part. He merely has to follow her home; she
will do the rest.
This is another reason why guys like porn. The actresses
in this digital harem are eager and willing. He just has to
find them. This is the lure of passive pleasure.

A man wants the embrace of a woman—a good and godly desire—and so God has set up the institution of marriage. A few chapters prior, Solomon encourages his readers to “rejoice in the wife of your youth” (5:18). A man’s godly character beckons him to not only seek a wife, but more importantly, to cultivate the virtues of a godly husband, and be a man of character.
But our sexual drive is not neutral. Like everything in our psychological make-up, our sex drive is stained with sin. We have this bent toward passive pleasure, not loving commitment. Marriage involves commitment, pursuit, intentionality,
romance, love, and respect. Marriage is about taking care of someone other than yourself. Lust involves none of this. This is why pornography is so alluring to some men. Like a lot of temptations, pornography offers a quick fix, a shortcut to pleasure without virtue. Pornography
rips sexual pleasure from its relational context and creates a realm of fantasy. It enables a man to feel like a man without requiring him to be one.1
Lure #3: Escape
I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows [...] I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen (Prov. 7:14,16).
These are the very first words out of her mouth. The word “sacrifices” is the word used in the Old Testament for the fellowship offerings, animal sacrifices presented and slaughtered at the temple, with a portion given back to the worshipper for them to eat. It was usually eaten that day among friends and family. These were the choicest cuts of meat. She’s effectively saying to this man, “I have a table with the best foods spread at my house right now.”
In verse 16 she continues talking about her couch. Usually
people in that culture would recline to eat, and she is describing a special seat reserved for him at her table, covered with expensive, exquisite cloth imported from Egypt. This was the luxury bedding of Solomon’s day. She has spared no expense for him. She is inviting him into an experience of comfort and delight.
For many men pornography is their place of comfort, their refuge, their escape. For some this is a conscious thing: they justify spending hours and hours looking at pornography
because it is their treat to themselves—the way they wind down or escape. For some this is a subconscious motivation: they don’t even realize it, but they run to pornography
again and again because it is a fantasy where all the arrangements have been made for them, and where they can forget their worries, dissatisfaction, and discontent.
The world is full of hardships and difficulties, and when we encounter them something in us revolts. Something in us longs to return to Eden, before the curse and decay of sin entered human existence. We long for the comforts of Paradise. The gospel tells us there is a day coming when there will be a new heaven and a new earth, when Paradise
will be restored to us, when there will be harmony between us and God, harmony with one another, harmony with creation. But when we face the stress of fallen conditions,
our sinful hearts don’t retreat to that hope. We retreat by making temporary Edens, small paradises that we can control, paradises centered not around God but centered on ourselves.
This is one reason why porn is so alluring: it gives us a ready-made cast and plotline for a fantasy world to which we can escape.
Lure #4: Secrecy
For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home (Prov. 7:19-20).
She informs him that her husband has gone on a business trip and isn’t expected to return until the next full moon. In other words, she is saying, “Don’t worry. There is no fear of getting caught.”
Often porn is enticing because of its secrecy. Pornography
thrives on secrecy.
Psychologist Al Cooper noted this when he coined the “Triple-A Engine” of Internet pornography and cyber-sex. People are drawn to porn because it is (1) affordable, (2) accessible, and (3) anonymous. Affordable—porn is relatively
cheap or free online. Accessible—the Internet brings pornography right into the private corners of your home
or office at high speeds. And anonymous—no one has to
know that you see it; it is secret.
It’s been said true character is who you are when ynobody’s
looking. We let our true colors shine when nobody
else sees what we’re doing.
This applies to both the good and the bad, doesn’t it?
Jesus said if you want to pray, fast, or give to the poor
from a pure heart, then do these things when no one is
looking except your Father in heaven. Then, He says, you
will receive the true lasting reward of doing them.
To use the old Latin phrase, we must live coram Deo, “before
the face of God.” We are to live our lives conscious
of God’s presence and omniscience and all-penetrating
gaze. Coram Deo means we not only know but also supremely
care that God always sees us, that God is sovereign.
There is nothing hidden from His sight, and knowing
this utterly transforms how we live.
The Internet has brought this issue to the forefront. As
more and more of us live detached, anonymous lives online,
we start to see what really motivates us, what really
makes us tick. Behind closed doors our real motivations
surface. Before the Internet, many Christians might have
avoided the trap of pornography, but was that avoidance
merely conformity to Christian social norms, or born out of
a desire to please the God who always sees us?
The anonymity of the Internet has exposed something
deep in our hearts, a deeply rooted belief that there is a
piece of life that we can totally have as our own, a territory
that we can rule outside of
God’s sovereign gaze, a small
kingdom of our own where
we can play by our own rules.
But in order to live in this deception,
we need secrecy. By
shattering the anonymity we
shatter the illusion that our
decisions affect no one else
but us.
Lure #5: Pride
I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly,
and I have found you (Prov. 7:15).
Notice how she plays this guy. “I have come out to meet
YOU, to seek YOU eagerly, and I have found YOU.” She
probably would have said the same thing to the next guy
who came along, but she insists that he’s the one and
only. She makes him feel desired, wanted and attractive.
Solomon crystallizes this so well in verse 21: “With much
seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth (or
flattering) talk she compels him.”
Today we might say she is stroking his ego. She is playing
to his pride. This is the same ploy used in pornography today:
to catch the man up in the fantasy experience where
HE is the main character. The woman on the screen is
selling the lie: she wants HIM, she notices HIM.
For many guys, physical lust is not the only thing driving
their fixation on pornography, masturbation, and fantasy.
It’s also motivated by pride or self-worship. The fantasy
world is like a film playing in their minds. When they fantasize
they cast their latest crush as the leading lady in the
movie of their minds—but who is the main character? He
is the main character, producer, and director all in one. The
lady reads the script he wants her to read. In the movie of
his mind, the plot is all about him, and she is merely the
supporting actress. The fantasy is about how irresistible
he is and how she makes him feel about himself.
This, again, is idolatry. One of the reasons why porn is so
powerful is because it reinforces our sinful desire to worship
ourselves.
Lure #6: False Intimacy
Come, let us take our fill of love till morning.
(Prov. 7:18)
What a wonderful phrase for a husband to hear from his
wife, and yet it is found in the mouth of an adulteress.
She speaks of the “love” they will enjoy all night long. The
Hebrew word, dowd, translated here as “love,” is used many, many times in Solomon’s celebrated love poem, the Song of Solomon. It is used as the pet name between the two lovers: “my Beloved.” It is also used to refer to the affectionate, passionate love they share:
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon (Song of Solomon 4:10-11).
This sort of love describes the physical and verbal foreplay between Solomon and his bride right before making love.
The forbidden woman is playing on this deep motivation for love. This is what pornography offers a man. Pornography
seeks to tap into a deep part of us that desires closeness
and then creates parody of it. Porn is false intimacy.2
A lot of single guys have a dreaded fear of being alone. They want to experience love and intimacy. Even married guys experience this, especially if their marriage is not all they hoped it would be.
Of course we were created for intimacy. It is a part of our make-up as God’s creatures. But in our sin-soaked hearts, this desire becomes an idolatrous demand. To the one who desires companionship more than God’s glory, being alone is hell. To save ourselves from this hell, the porn girls in our fantasies become fitting saviors. But as we bring our twisted desires to Christ and make them subservient to His glory, then and only then do we begin getting a taste of intimacy the way it was meant to be.
Lure #7: The Forbidden
Solomon describes the adultress as “the forbidden woman”
in verse 5. The word carries the idea of someone who is foreign or a stranger. She belongs to someone else. She is not his. It’s not just that she is an attractive woman: she is a forbidden woman. She is off-limits.
This is what our sinful nature does: we want what we can’t have. The Bible calls this covetousness. Paul spoke about this in Romans 7

Rom 7:7   ¶   What shall we say then? [Is] the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.

Rom 7:8       But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin [was] dead.

Rom 7:9       For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.

Rom 7:10       And the commandment, which [was ordained] to life, I found [to be] unto death.

Rom 7:11       For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew [me].

Follow Paul’s logic here. First, Paul speaks about the principle of sin in the members of his body: a drive in his bones to live autonomously, to disobey God. Second, he speaks of God’s law. He specifically mentions the tenth commandment: You shall not covet. What happens when this sinful drive meets God’s law?
It was as if covetous desire was laying dormant in Paul—asleep, dead. Then the command not to covet brought his sin to life, arousing the sleeping giant. The command, of course, promises life to those who walk in it (Deuteronomy 5:33), but our sinful drives within actually use the command
to stir up more lust. Knowing we are not allowed to have something kicks lust into overdrive and produces what Paul calls “all kinds of covetousness.” This is one more reason why this foolish young man follows her home; he wants what he cannot have.
A few chapters later Solomon sums up the motto of Lady Folly: “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:13). This is why “the other woman” pulls at a man’s heart. Pornography gives a man the feeling
that he has been given the key to the back door of forbidden pleasures.

1. This observation comes from Michael Cusick, particularly his involvement in the Somebody’s Daughter project. Visit SombodysDaughter.org for more information.
2. Dr. Harry Schaumburg wrote an excellent book called False Intimacy about how things like pornography hijack our desires for intimacy and offers a cheap replacement of pleasure without relationship

To get the full e-book go here http://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/10/21/seven-reasons-why-guys-like-porn/

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